Monday, December 5th, 2011 was my one year quitting smoking anniversary.
I started smoking I guess when I was young. At school, in Jr High, in Texas in the mornings someone always had cigarrettes in the alley. Both of my parents smoked, and back then it wasn't as big of a deal to smoke in the house or the car with kids sucking in the second hand smoke. So really I guess I've smoked somehow or another all of my life.
I quit smoking a couple of other times after that. Once for about a year or so and picked it back up because I worked with a ton of people who smoked and at one point I was like you know what I want a smoke. So I went and bought a pack of cigarrettes and instead of smoking 1 I smoked the whole pack and figured I may as well keep going.
At one point I had a heart issue and my dr told me to quit or die. So I chose to quit. That time I actually didn't smoke at all for 2 years. However my exhusband refused to quit smoking on top of me, it was pretty ridiculous. His younger brother lived with us and he smoked as well. So despite living with two smokers who constantly shoved it in my face I was determined I was going to be healthy and not smoke and stuck it out for those 2 years. Then dun dun dun I decided to leave my husband, when my decision was final I went out and bought a pack. As you are reading you may start thinking my leaving husband timelines aren't matching up from previous blogs, however this was the first time I left him, then there was this reconcilation and seperation and then there was a second time leaving him which is the timeline I usually refer to in my blogs, however in this blog the smoking restarted the first time I walked and now throwing off everything you thought you knew about me and my timelines. I was crazy and stressed and about to make a drive moving from CA to FL and had flown out a friend to make that drive with me and she smoked so I figured I'd smoke for the drive. I told myself I'd quit when I got to Florida. Ha fast forward to four years later....
|Unfortunately there were no cute Hello Kitty patches like Lisa used.|
For your amusement... The major blow out I had 6 years before I was a few days in it. I had all the classic symptoms, I was standing in line at a grocery store and just had 2 things, ginger ale and crackers because I felt like hell and was hoping they would help. The cashier saw an elderly woman behind me, who had a cart full of stuff, I had been in a very long line waiting for quite awhile which felt like about 16 hours, and I guess the cashier decided that the elderly lady should come before the girl who was sweating and coughing and hacking and only had 2 things so she told the elderly lady to please step ahead of me and I flipped the fuck out. Never in my life have I seen a cashier actually pull someone ahead in line like that and never have I since. I've seen cashiers open new lines and pull people out, but not rearrange the line that was already in front of them. If I had been in my right mind I would have not said a thing and would have probably thought awe that's nice yeah the old lady is probably tired of standing... that wasn't the case this time. I'm pretty sure the entire store heard me cussing that cashier out and when I asked for a manager she turned out to be the manager. I left called with my cell phone and cussed her out again, and I'm pretty sure I wrote a blog about how pissed off I was. Quitting nicotine pretty much turns you into this insane person. So living with my ex and trying to quit without help I decided wouldn't be a good idea because I knew my history... which kinda looks like this...
Is this a forever quit? I don't know, I really really hope so. I know that I feel better when I'm not smoking. My coworker who quit over 20 years ago still thinks about it. So I know it'll always be a battle and every day I'll be quitting (and shuffling). I heard a stop smoking commercial on the radio this morning and it was so perfect because they said "stop smoking one cigarrette at a time". That's kinda what I've been doing and I hope I can keep doing it. I hope not to beat myself up if I break down again and smoke 1 and say screw it I may as well keep smoking, I hope I can continue on this path I've been on this year and be thankful for the blessings I have despite the stresses I may be experiencing and hopefully this will be a forever thing.
I know many smokers are looking for motivation to quit, many of my smoker friends have asked how I finally got to the point of doing it... well in all honesty it took a freaking mental breakdown and deciding enough was enough. Perhaps your motivation can be to be healthy, or to save some money or refusing to be controlled by anything anymore. Whatever finally motivates you to start stopping smoking, just keep on pushing through, even if you break and smoke, move past it and keep stopping. Good luck to us all!
Hilarious song if you've ever tried quitting smoking you can relate.