Thursday, June 7, 2012

Jealousy Consumes

I've been thinking about how jealousy can consume a person, and sometimes they may not even realize it. Being consumed by jealousy does not just apply to the person who is a jealous lover that flips anytime anyone even looks in the direction of their partner.  There are many forms of jealousy.

I spent my early 20's being jealous a lot, because my life wasn't what I really wanted, and sometimes I didn't even realize that was my problem.  Sometimes it affected my mood and attitude and how I treated people. As I've gotten older and especially since I've had to restart my life, losing everything and being humbled, twice, it's brought a lot into perspective. If I dwelled on everything that I'm not, and what I do not have all of the time I would be a very miserable and stressed person.  Instead I make the choice to be positive, because I've built up a life more than once, and I can do it again and again.

I feel that jealousy in a lot of situations is a choice.  You can chose to be happy for those around you who may have the things you want or are able to do the things that you want and make it a goal to eventually be there.  Unfortunately I see too many people watching what they seem to think is everyone else around them just has it easy, or whatever their thoughts may be, and even though their life isn't absolutely horrible, they still have this constant woe is me attitude because they do not have everything they want in life right at this very moment. 

I've worked to develop a personal awareness to be in self control of jealousy.  A lot of people talk to me about their lives.  And I love that they do.  I'm always willing to be a bouncing board for people to throw their thoughts and emotions and feelings at, because everyone needs someone in their life that they can do that with.  However being a person who experiences an onslaught of expression from other people regarding their personal feelings and life experiences, I tend to absorb and learn from them as well.  I have had people in my life who  are in that constant woe is me state.  I usually find them draining and eventually our friendship tends to fizzle after awhile, I get burned out on constant negativity.  I didn't always, in my younger years I absorbed the negativity and instead of learning from it and doing what I could to avoid being that way I would be constantly pessimistic and depressed and emotional.  I wasn't getting everything I wanted and here were other people who weren't either and everyone who was, well they were jerks.  Right?  No. 

Oh the joys of getting older.  This is a reason I enjoy getting older, I always tell people the older I get the less I feel like a dumbass.  I knew nothing when I was a young adult but I thought I knew everything.  At one point I decided I never wanted to be that pathetic person who was constantly jealous and depressed.  It is hard to keep respect for someone who is that way.

I find it particularly sad when I watch people I know who express their constant or very often state of near depression and/or jealousy over life actually intentionally trying to make people jealous of them.  Any kind of satisfaction they may get from other people being jealous of them is only temporary.  I try to be a very observant person in these matters, I may not always notice a new hair cut but a lot of times I will be able to pick up on a person’s intent when they are actually trying to provoke me into green eyed monster mode.  And I will admit that it is a guilty pleasure to see their taunting turn into frustration when I do not give them the satisfaction of my jealousy. 

I’ve also found that it seems the people who express the most jealousy also seem to express feelings of entitlement to things.  I do not think that they realize it.  I guess for myself since I come from very humble roots, I’ve never been spoiled, and know that nothing in life is just handed to you, or feel that it shouldn’t be anyways, that it is hard for me to relate to people when they come across as that person who thinks it is just their right or something to have everything they want.  It’s just an odd thing for me to be able to process.

And just a brief statement on being jealous that other people have the person you want.  Stop it.  There are plenty of wonderful people in the world and making yourself miserable over one is just silly.  And if they are cheating on their current partner with you but they won't completely leave them for you, do you really think anyone who cheats is worth having for the long haul?
Do not get me wrong.  There are times I will get jealous.  Like when Natalie Portman is all up on my future boyfriend Thor.  That’s just some bs right there.  HA  I jest.  But in some situations it is a natural feeling.  However it is not natural to constantly be jealous and/or try to make others jealous of you.  Consumed with jealousy.

If you are struggling with jealousy issues like I did in my younger life then start working on them today.  You will find your life is much less stressful and depressing and start feeling much more self confident.  We may not get everything we want in life.  Sometimes we are better off not getting the things that we want.  And the things that we do get will come to us with patience and working at our goals.  Anything good in life can be much more appreciated if we get it through working for it.  Or if your problem is waiting on love or some other non-material thing, the same rule can apply;  anything good in life can be much more appreciated if we get it through being patient and waiting for when it is truly right for you.

Much love!